• Memory Jewelry
  • Meet April
  • Blog
  • Writings
  • Speaking
  • Contact
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest

The Stamped Lily

Come for the Jewelry, Stay for the Conversation

What’s Next

December 22, 2017 by april dillow Leave a Comment

I’ve been staring at this screen for months…waiting for what I’m supposed to say next and wondering what I can say that will “make it all better”.  Or what will make the reader on the other side of this page feel better. 

And now it’s Christmas.  I don’t have anything.  I don’t have an eloquent poem about a Christmas in heaven, nor do I have a “Dear John, Merry Christmas” letter to share. 

I just miss him.  I miss hearing him say, “Love you”.  I miss the way he hugged me.  I miss the way he punched me in the arm as he walked by me.  I miss his grumpy face and the way we both love sour candy.  I miss the way he played with my kids and that he never got to meet James.  I miss his dirty hands, stained with oil and grease from working all day.  I miss the way we could share memories with each other about our childhood…especially around the holidays. 

I don’t miss wondering if he’s okay.  I don’t miss the tears shed when he was mad at me. I don’t miss the unanswered text messages or when I heard that he couldn’t stand me.  I don’t miss walking on egg shells because I didn’t know what kind of mood he was in.

I’ve been praying that God would bring to my mind the times John and I laughed until we cried.  I want THOSE memories at the forefront of my mind, but all I can seem to do is remember that I’m sad.  Where are the hilarious-make-you-pee-your-pants moments?  I know we’ve had them but I can’t remember them!  I want to sit down to write about my brother while rolling on the floor laughing for once…instead of in a puddle of tears. 

I’m expectant.  I know I will remember at the perfect moment.  In the meantime, I’m letting myself feel however I’m feeling.  Especially around the holidays and despite how it looks to those watching me.  I encourage you, from the still-grieving-places of my own heart, to do the same.

You might also enjoy...

Kitchen Cabinets
Maybe that’s why God doesn’t tell us his plans
My chat with Grandma Sandridge

Filed Under: personal, writing

Previous Post Am I allowed to be sad?
Next Post What he didn’t say

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HI, I’M APRIL!

HI, I’M APRIL!

I’m an encourager and I enjoy chatting with you about what God is teaching me. Every day I’m learning and every day I’m reminding myself who I am in Christ. I’m a simple girl who speaks about hope in the midst of my own struggles. Whether I’m sharing my story of God’s faithfulness through the loss of my brother to suicide, or talking about my daily sin struggles and remembering to give myself grace, God is walking me through every part of it.

FOLLOW ME

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

Let’s stay connected!

Leave your email to be the first to know about all things Stamped Lily: New products in the shop, new blog posts, exclusive discount codes and more. Psst...You’ll get a discount code just for signing up.

COPYRIGHT © 2019. Emma Theme by The Stamped Lily ·